Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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