after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
