Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
