just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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