you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
