Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Watching her eat just hurts me
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
