And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
