I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
