Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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