I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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