You're my little dorito
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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