idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
