i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
