Just fell off a train. Bad.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
