he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
where does the pee come out of this thing
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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