I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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