god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
