you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
