i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
