you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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