I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
