Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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