I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
