I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
