I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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