and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
