Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
