think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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