We won't sleep together?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
