good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
