She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
