i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
