i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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