i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
