Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
