She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
