I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
