where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
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