How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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