Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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