i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
