my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
