Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
