I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
