yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
