he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
