So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
