the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
only you would photoshop your dick
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
