With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
