she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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