rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
