before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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