saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
